Apparently, Coffee Is Not A Food Group
by ChameleonCircuit
Summary: Barba's a big idiot and doesn't find time to eat.


Rafael was rummaging around the refrigerator, the gentle hum of his coffee machine reassuring him he'd feel human again soon as he tried to find some breakfast to alleviate his grumbling stomach (really, he regretted skipping dinner in favour of paperwork and sleep last night), and accompany his coffee. He'd just fished out some eggs when his phone rang.

"Rafael Barba," he answered, tilting the carton in his hand to check the best before date.

"Barba, it's Liv. Can you come down to the station? We've got this kid in custody - he's only 17 - and we want to offer him a deal in exchange for information. I know it's early, but-"

"I'll be there soon," he cut her off with a sigh, sliding the eggs back onto their shelf.

"Thanks Barba," he heard before he ended the call.

 _Looks like it's a liquid breakfast for me_ , he thought to himself, filling up his travel mug.

* * *

Rafael had spent most of the morning at the precinct, and the rest of it dealing with urgent paperwork that had made its way to his desk. There was a knock at his door, and he looked up, smiling when he saw Carmen enter with a bag of food. His stomach grumbled appreciatively as he took the bag from her, taking out the plantain chips and popping one in his mouth as he pulled out the plastic container beneath.

Another light tap on the door frame caused him to look up, and he couldn't hold back the sigh as he saw Cutter leaning against the wall.

"Sorry Barba, I need you down at the courthouse," Cutter said, extending a coffee towards Rafael as a peace offering.

Without question, he deposited the food in the small fridge he kept in his office, shoving the bag of plantain chips in his pocket (and not before popping a couple more in his mouth, because Christ, was he hungry), and then followed Cutter out of his office, nodding along as Cutter filled him in.

* * *

It was 9pm before he eventually made it home. He felt exhausted - more exhausted than usual - as he kicked his shoes off. He sighed heavily, shoving his un-touched lunch into the microwave, removing his tie, jacket and waistcoat and hanging them gently over the back of a chair. He contemplated pouring a scotch as he fished the barely-touched plantain chips from his jacket pocket, but collapsed on the lounge, instead.

Next thing he knew, he was waking up to the sound of his phone ringing. Groggily, he sat up from the slumped position he had been in on the sofa, and fumbled for his phone.

"B'rba," he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

"Hey, sorry to bother you, I wanted to wait until morning, but Dodds insisted I call you…" he could hear Olivia speaking as he took the phone away to check the time - 12:09 am - but he wasn't paying attention to what she was saying. Exhaustion was pulling at his muscles, and he sighed heavily, pulling the phone back to his ear. "… could get here as soon as possible, maybe Dodds won't eat us all alive."

"I'll be there shortly," he said quietly, his voice a little scratchy with sleep, "but you'd better have a large coffee ready for me when I arrive."

She laughed on the other end of the line, which made him smile.

"Sure – it'll be waiting for you when you get here," she said gently, sounding relieved.

He didn't crawl into bed until 4am - he had to be in court at 9.

* * *

He'd overslept, he was three coffees in, and Rafael Barba was certainly not in the mood to deal with an over-eager Carisi at his heel, babbling about some legal loophole that Rafael had thought of days ago, and had already run through all the possible outcomes and concluded that no, that argument wasn't going to work, but yes, he would shelve it as a last-minute resort.

Carisi's voice dropped out for a moment, and everything was blessedly silent, until Rafael realised the world had tilted. He squinted, feeling a hand come to rest on his shoulder, another trying to snake its way around his waist, and no, he was not having that. He twisted, righting himself (when had he leant against the wall?) and turned to face Carisi, whose face was now etched with worry.

"You alright?" He asked, hands twisting together in front of him, like he was actually holding his own hands back from reaching out to touch Rafael again.

"Fine. I'm fine," he said quietly, then sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's been a busy few days, that's all. I'm long overdue for a decent night sleep."

Carisi smiled at him then, so Rafael returned it, if only to make him go away.

"Let's go grab lunch," he said instead, and Rafael sighed before nodding.

By the time they'd got to the café around the corner, he wasn't feeling much like food at all. In fact, on the walk over he'd broken out in an uncomfortable sweat despite the cold weather. He really hoped he wasn't coming down with something.

"What'll I get you?" Carisi asked, fishing his wallet out as he approached the counter.

"Erm, just a coffee, thanks."

Carisi frowned, but nodded, watching as Rafael sank into a booth.

By the time they were back at the courthouse, Rafael's stomach was growling with hunger, and he regretted not taking Carisi up on his offer of food. He sighed, dumping the takeaway coffee cup in the bin on his way in. He could feel Carisi watch as his hands shook, and he quickly shoved them in his pockets.

* * *

Rafael stood to give his closing argument, his hands shaking on the table as he pushed himself up. He took a breath as the world spun for a moment, and held it until everything stilled.

 _Just got to get through closing arguments_ , he thought to himself as he wandered over to the juror's box, beginning his spiel.

He thought he was doing well, despite the fact that his legs felt like jelly. However, somewhere along the line, something must have gone wrong. The jurors were all frowning at him with concern, and his mouth felt thick. Everything around him sounded muted, like he had cotton wool stuck in his ears.

"Barba?" He heard from behind him.

He tried to turn to see who said his name, but panic was engulfing him. Everything felt slowed down and muffled, and his limbs suddenly felt uncooperative. He was breathing too fast, but he couldn't seem to slow it down. As he managed to turn, he felt everything shift, darkness clouding the edges of his vision. He was aware of hands gripping him under his arms as the floor got closer to his face.

 _Rita_ , his mind supplied hazily as her face swam into vision. _Rita's holding me._

He barely had time to register how strange that seemed before everything went black.

* * *

Rafael blinked, trying to sit up, though strong hands were pushing him back down. He squinted up at the figure of Carisi resting over him, and sighed. He felt like he was going to throw up, which must have shown on his face, because Carisi took a small step backward.

"S'fine," he muttered, trying to sit up again.

"EMT's are on their way," Carisi said quietly, and Rafael groaned.

"No. You didn't call an ambulance, did you? Really?"

"You passed out, Barba."

"I'm well aware, thank you, Carisi," he couldn't keep the shame out of his voice.

"Well, what were we supposed to do? Just leave you on the floor in the middle of the court room? 'Oh, no, he's fine, we'll just leave him there, he'll be okay, this happens _all the time_ ,' " Rafael thought Carisi sounded somewhat hysterical, which made him smile, though he wasn't sure why. "We had no idea what happened. It could have been serious. Still could," he added, frowning, if possible, deeper.

Rita appeared at his side with a cup of water which he took gratefully, the coolness of it making his nausea subside, if only for a moment. He took a deep breath, resting his head back against the wall behind him briefly before attempting to push himself up off the ground. He swayed a little, and Carisi was at his side in an instant, one arm around his waist, the other hand resting on his shoulder. He couldn't help but lean into the detective's strong hold, exhaustion washing over him.

"Barba, sit back down," he heard Carisi whisper in his ear.

"On a bench," he conceded, his feet shuffling awkwardly beneath him as Carisi guided him to the nearest bench.

"Liv's here with the EMT's," Rita said quietly, just as he was about to sit down.

He groaned, bracing himself against the wall with one hand, feeling entirely humiliated as two EMT's hurried down the hall, a stretcher being dragged along between them.

* * *

"Jury came back with a guilty verdict," Carisi said softly, looking like he was going to wrap an arm around Rafael as he slid off the bed, before thinking better of it. "Liv just texted," he added when Rafael looked confused.

"I didn't even finish my closing argument," Rafael replied, sounding, even to his own ears, like a petulant child.

"I mean, you kinda did. You did really well, for the most of it. Then you just started slurring towards the end."

Rafael knew Carisi was just trying to make him feel better, but he could help but bury his head in his hands. Today he had felt enough embarrassment to last him a lifetime. Finding out it was simply a low blood-sugar level mixed with too much caffeine and not enough sleep had been the icing on top of the embarrassment cake.

"The case was strong. They would have given a guilty verdict with or without your closing statement. You'd already won them over," Carisi added, reaching out to guide Rafael down the correct hallway, and not the one he'd been about to head down.

He still felt like he was walking around in a fog of exhaustion as he got into Carisi's car.

"God. Please tell Liv I've contracted some kind of deadly virus, instead of this," he waved a hand, indicating his pathetic state. Despite having been hooked up to an IV drip for the past two hours, and having awful hospital food forced on him that he couldn't manage to stomach, he was still shaky.

Carisi bit his lip and started the car, causing Rafael to turn to him, eyes wide, before yet another wave of embarrassment hit him. He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You already told her, didn't you?"

Carisi's silence was answer enough.

"God. I'm never going to live this down."

"What? Nah. Grown man forgets to eat for two days and ends up on hospital because he's a massive idiot? I'm sure it happens all the time."

Carisi was grinning now, as Rafael sighed, his head hitting the glass of the window a little harder than he intended.

When they stopped at a small supermarket near his house, he frowned, tilting his head in question.

"Look, you stay here, I'll only be a moment."

He nodded, resting his head against the window again, allowing his eyes to drift shut.

What felt like seconds later, Carisi was back, arms loaded with bags of groceries.

"I'm cooking for you," he offered by way of explanation as he started the car up again. "And, before you protest, you don't get a say in the matter."

Rafael opened his mouth to speak, but Carisi turned the engine off again, turning to face him with a look so serious that he shut his mouth instantly.

"You scared me today. I thought you were seriously ill. Never seen you anything less than perfect," his voice softened as he ducked his head, smiling almost shyly up at Rafael through his long lashes. "So, I'm cooking for you. Because these past two days must have really taken it out of you, and while I do think you're an idiot, I also care about you."

Rafael felt a blush creeping up his neck and looked away, wondering just how it was that this man always managed to be so gentle towards him when all he offered in return was snark and a vaguely annoyed acceptance of his company. So he nodded, allowing himself to accept the act of kindness.

He saw Carisi smile at this. Not his usual shy quirk of the lips, but an actual, heart-warming smile. And Rafael thought he must be losing his mind, because the sight of it made his heart melt a little, and he wanted nothing more than to be the cause of that smile again and again.

"Okay," he said quietly as the engine started up again. "Okay."


End file.
